“Since we tend to see ourselves primarily in the light of our intentions, which are invisible to others, while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are all that’s visible to us, we have a situation in which misunderstanding and injustice are the order of the day.” ~ John G. Bennet
Dialogue-Prep & Connected Conversation
3Chairs Process for Difficult Conversations [PDF]
Questions as to (actual/formal) NVC Mediation?
Feel free to reach out to this NVC Mediation Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/nvcmediation.
(You’re also welcome to contact Pamela via streetgiraffes@gmail.com with any inquiries.)
Learn more as to applying NVC Mediation skills to your everyday life with NVC Mediator John Kinyon and/or peruse this dropdown menu of potential resources:
An earlier version of Conversation Maps, handouts depicted throughout this page, can also be found via mediateyourlife.com/handouts
John Kinyon‘s new NVC/mindfulness App:
MediateYourLifeApp.com
The Mediate Your Life app is free and available to everyone who wants it.
MediateYourLifeApp.com/resources
(note: “Star Wars” inspired bio-regions)
& OFNR handout
See also MediateYour Life courses via John Kinyon
(Mediate Your Life map courtesy of John Kinyon)
see more via this blog’s toolbox page
& NVC Mediation – Facebook community:
facebook.com/groups/nvcmediation
Free NVC Academy Learning Resources
NVC Academy Account / Library subscription (required):
Inner Maps of Conflict with John Kinyon:
“In this brief audio segment, John Kinyon offers a guided tour of our inner maps of conflict, including interpersonal mediation, chooser/educator, enemy images and making amends maps.”
NVC Academy Resources with John Kinyon
NVC in the News (Facebook page):
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella Has Execs Read ‘Nonviolent Communication’
Inc.: The One Book That Pulled Microsoft Back From the Brink (Satya Nadella’s Ultimate Leadership Flex)
Business Insider: Satya Nadella Had Microsoft Execs Read 15-Year-Old Psychology Book
Dr. Yvette Erasmus – Free Training: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
The Eight Key Attributes of a Conflict Situation: When To Use Each Conflict Handling Mode Most Effectively
By Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)
The Matrix – Pathways to Liberation:
Pathways to Liberation – Self-Assessment Matrix
Online Matrix Survey Instructions – Book – Events Calendar – Practice Groups – Contact
See also from John’s blog:
NVC Mediation resources:
- johnkinyon.com & linktr.ee/john.kinyon
- ikelasater.com
- mediateyourlifeapp.com
- NVC Mediation (Facebook page)
- harmonicmediation.com
Learning Venues for Mediating Your Life:
Across the Aisle Conversations (free)
Reconciliation & Healing Conversations (free)
Mediate Your Life – an online retreat
Online Weekly Mediate Your Life Course
The Matrix – Pathways to Liberation:
Online Matrix Survey Instructions – Book – Events Calendar – Recordings
If you’re new to NVC, there is a beginner’s Facebook group overseen by Ray Taylor here (and other NVC resources can be found here as well).
See also: Other NVC Learning Venues
Marshall Rosenberg (courtesy of Oren Jay Sofer)
Dr. Yvette Erasmus – Conversations from the Heart
How to Get Ready for A New Conversation – Dr. Yvette Erasmus
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Four Mediate One’s Life contexts:
- Internal/intrapersonal. The conflict is within, between aspects of oneself.
- Self-other/interpersonal. The conflict is between oneself and another.
- Informal. Opting to lend one’s mediation skills to a conflict in our midst (without being explicitly asked to do so).
- Formal. One mediates a conflict, intentionally, and at the request or with the express agreement of others.
How to Get Ready for A New Conversation – Dr. Yvette Erasmus
(Beneath courtesy of the work of NVC Mediation pioneers John Kinyon & Ike Lasater, Founders – Mediate Your Life)
mediateyourlife.com/handouts
John Kinyon, “Three chairs can change your life…”
François Barraud – La Tailleuse de Soupe
Taking the Third Chair – Mediate Your Life
Excerpt (via John Kinyon): “Three chairs can change your life. In the world of professional dispute resolution, the three chairs represent two disputants and a mediator. In our Mediate Your Life training, you learn to ‘take the third chair.’ From this perspective, you perceive a different reality. You become more centered and effective in responding to life’s challenges and conflicts…. Seeing the situation from the third chair can be very difficult. Although obvious and simple at one level, the shift in perspective is a radical one that goes deeper and deeper. I have at times found it quite challenging — and also extremely valuable — to live this out in my own life…” (continues)
Healing & Reconciliation Process
See also: Conflict-Resolution, Dialogue Prep, Enemy-Imagery & Connected Conversation
mediateyourlife.com/handouts
See also: The Three Chair Model [PDF]
mediateyourlife.com/handouts
3Chairs Project for Difficult Conversations That Change Our World
Vision & Mission (via John Kinyon): The vision of the 3Chairs Project is a critical mass of people around the world working together to respond to the challenges we face, and creating a peaceful, healthy, and sustainable world.
The mission of the project is people having difficult and important conversations — personal, work, political — using a “3 chairs” structure and process that brings mindful awareness, compassion and collaboration to these conversations. It’s about hearing and understanding each other in our differences and our pain, without needing to agree, and connecting at the level of our shared humanity to contribute to one another’s well being. It’s about having conversations that change us, that create the life and relationships we want, and that move us toward the world we envision…
Across the Aisle
For more as to NVC & Social Change Agency:
Politics, Climate & NVC
Mindfulness 101: Nonviolent Communication – American Bar Association
Earlier NVC Model (1.0 — circa 1980s) — Prior to “Universal Human Needs” cornerstone
See also:
mediateyourlifeapp.com/ofnr-communication-components-handout
mediateyourlife.com/handouts
See also: Empathy Guessing Demystified &
mediateyourlife.com/handouts
John Kinyon on NVC-Mediation
The Self-Connection and “Taking the 3rd Chair” in Difficult Conversations
By John Kinyon
In our Mediate Your Life training, we offer what is called a Self-Connection Process. This process integrates mindfulness with language components of Compassionate Communication (Nonviolent Communication/NVC), and a 3-chair mediation framework that provides different processes we call “maps” to navigate life’s challenges and difficult conversations.
The Self-Connection Process map enables you to find the inner “3rd chair” of awareness. From this place, you can observe the “opposing chairs” of thoughts and feelings, and effectively navigate the storminess and rough terrains of conflict to find connection on the other side where new possibilities emerge for solving problems and experiencing well being… (continues)
Transfiguration, 1520
Courtesy of MediateYourLife.com
See also: Handy-Handouts
mediateyourlife.com/handouts
See also: Peace, Love & Joy
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
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The Mediate Your Life Approach
What is NVC Mediation? A Powerful Model for Healing and Reconciling ConflictNovember 2009 |
To be a human being is to regularly be in conflict with oneself and others. Since we are biological beings, we are not able to be inside another person’s experience, which means that each of us has our unique frame of reference on the world. Brain scientists tell us that our experience shapes how the mind perceives the world. We all know this intuitively. In a simple example, you and I can go to a movie together, and you might be impassioned while I might be bored. The difference lies in each of us, not in the movie. In a similar vein, scientists also suggest that, in ways that are not yet fully known, the brain in effect has several conversations happening simultaneously in the process of producing what we experience as a unified consciousness of a present situation. Thus, both inside our minds and with other people we are immersed in conversations that contain differing perspectives, and conflicts inherently arise. I have found NVC mediation to be an effective means of reconciling these differing perspectives, so much so that I have taken it on as an all-encompassing life practice. The same skills apply whether I am working on a conflict within my own head, a conflict between myself and another person, or a conflict between two or more people, or whether I am seeking to return to presence in the process of the every day occurrences of my life. Taking on the practice of NVC mediation means to constantly hone and expand the capacity to contribute to the reconciliation and healing of conflict. In this article, I’ll explain the basic premise and process of NVC mediation and where it came from, then go into detail on a number of characteristics of this form that I find make it a particularly potent model. The Origin of NVC mediation has evolved out of the body of work referred to as Nonviolent Communication that was initially developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist, out of his personal and professional experience. Marshall has spent the last few decades traveling around the world offering trainings. Though the number of people who have been to NVC trainings is quite large, NVC mediation is still relatively unknown… (continues here: What is NVC Mediation?)
Choosing Peace
Choosing Peace is about creating inner peace and from that creating peace with others. In it, we give the reader concrete tools with which to do this. It is a very practical hands-on book, a relevant and accessible tool… Learn More
More videos: Mediate Your Life: A Training Company
What do you mean by “mediate your life”?
Four contexts:
- Internal. The conflict is inside your own head, between aspects of yourself.
- Self-other/interpersonal. The conflict is between you and someone else.
- Informal. You mediate someone else’s conflict without being asked to do so.
- Formal. You mediate someone else’s conflict at their request.
For More Info: Mediate Your Life – Facebook
Additional Resources:
MYL Book: From Conflict to Connection – Mediate Your Life
From Conflict to Connection
Transforming Difficult Conversations into Peaceful Resolutions
Interpersonal conflict is a fact of life. Whether you are directly in conflict with a family member or colleague, or simply experience sticky situations with others, being able to have difficult conversations in a satisfying manner can greatly improve your relationships and well-being. Learn More…
Additional Handouts
See also: Enemy-Imagery, Conflict-Resolution
& Seeds of a Nonviolent Ethos
Ike Lasater & John Kinyon, NVC Mediation on Vimeo
Healing & Reconciliation
Making Amends
Oren Jay Sofer‘s “Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication”
Yvette Erasmus, PsyD
Marriage Mediation:
The Marriage Mediator.net
YouTube channel: TheMarriageMediator
TMM 2011 Interview Before and After Couples First Marriage Mediation Session
Solve a conflict in 3 minutes
(Videos courtesy of Marianne Van Dijk – Cup of Empathy/YouTube Channel)
See also: Conflict-Resolution
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Fighting giraffes in Ithala Game Reserve, northern KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa
Courtesy of Luca Galuzzi – www.galuzzi.it via Wikimedia Commons
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Please note the Stars Wars inspired mnemonic memory device of bio-regions:
MediateYourLifeApp.com/resources:
Pathways to Liberation: Self-Assessment Matrix
Awareness of Response-ability
Street Giraffes 
